Developing Gills

Three months in a new lab

The Tuesday morning in the lab started with screening fruit fly larvae glowing green under a fluorescent microscope, which indirectly told me that the larvae are carrying my protein of interest. The rest of the larvae were still temporarily inside the liquid (buffer). With the petri plate in my hand, I thought, I am not suffocating them inside the liquid, am I? They can survive submersion in the liquid, followed by a strange feeling.

Why am I feeling strange, and why does it feel like I was kept in the place of those larvae? Oh! Now I can remember. It was a very realistic dream I had last night, breathing underwater. I am telling you now, this dream is something I have been having very frequently ever since I came to the USA. More than thrice. And this one, unlike other dreams, I could recall. Hence, now, I call this one a statistically significant dream. The same real feeling of breathing inside water, as if I had developed gills just like Harry Potter did in one of the competitions during the Triwizard Championship.

Now I was curious. Is there any psychology behind it? There could be a meaning to this dream! Google suggested it reflects emotional mastery and resilience. Cool!

But is there any truth in it?

That day passed with a little bit of good moments, and a bit of findings that I had made some mistakes while doing imaging. A mistake that would cost me a week. So, with a bit of a bad mood, I planned for the next day and came back home.

Life inside the water

On Wednesday, I restarted imaging. Sitting for microscopy the whole day is very tedious because of a closed room with a lot of buzzing sounds of instruments that make you feel suffocated. But hey, that is an important part of my work. Finally, all the secrets of nature get revealed under supermagnifications.

During imaging, I realised I was easily doing it, as if breathing underwater.

I am working in the Drosophila model system where I study neuronal communication at a specific location of the muscle. Three months back, all muscles would look the same to me. I did not know how to find right muscles, adjust contrast enough so that I could get super informative images, did not know the different fly lines people are working with and their use. It was like learning a new language altogether. For one and a half months, I was shadowing senior colleagues almost entirely. When they would discuss anything, I would be blank, trying to figure out four different proteins and five different pathways they mentioned in a single sentence. Sitting entirely clueless in the neurobiology branch meeting. As if I were thrown into an ocean and did not know how to swim.

Meanwhile, I did what I could do best: drowning! Just kidding.

I focused on my plus points and started from there while learning this new language. I have a good hand in dissection, histology, and I am super resilient. So I started working, shadowing, learning, and just giving my best one day at a time. Things slowly started turning around.

Breathing underwater

This Monday’s lab meeting, the staff scientist of my lab asked my postdoc advisor, “Can Deep contribute to my paper? I would need her help.”

Well! At first, being trusted enough as a new postdoc to contribute to a field she was just learning was a big deal to me. Just two months back, things were gibberish. Now, when people speak, I might not be able to give any feedback, but the language is understandable to me. I am developing my gills.

Maybe Google was right after all. Emotional mastery and resilience. I just did not have the evidence yet when I was standing with that petri plate on Tuesday morning.

The mistake that cost me a week turned out to be a blessing. It slowed me down to be more focused. This opportunity took me back to revisit my last three experiments, the last three weeks. And I realised that muscles which were not identifiable to me three weeks back are visible now. It was because of all the mistakes I had made, and most importantly, the learning that came from those mistakes.

And that was the reason I was able to do imaging like a pro on that Wednesday that initially felt like it was setting me back.

Many times, progress can never be identified with the amount of data. It is all about the quality of data. For a newbie who is learning the ways, all these tiny mistakes can cost a lot of resources and time in the later period when I am deep into my research work.

I know that one year from now, my topic of discussion on Substack can be different and will be more specific. I might not remember the tiny details of these struggling days that made me breathe under the water. But this very moment is precious, where I know my struggles and the minute shifts that are making me grow into my future self. The phase prepping me for metamorphosis.

If you are inside such a situation that looks very tough, and you feel like drowning, know that you can start from the very next thing that is visible to you. Just focus on your next immediate step. Keep learning along the way, keep your mind open, and remember that mistakes are opportunities to be better.

So just like those larvae, I can survive the submerged state. Because metamorphosis is waiting ahead.

Do share your stories in the comments. What kind of struggles you are facing right now. What kind of microwins & microsteps you have taken, or you can take? Tell me more about you as well!!! : )